Do you need reasons why you cannot change an abusive man?
An abusive man is a person who consistently puts you down. He could be emotionally or physically abusive, but regardless, this kind of treatment can be very damaging. Some days he may make you feel so amazing, acting so sweet, buying you flowers so you think he might actually stop cheating, stop being violent, and then he becomes a devil again. Despite the hopes you have, here are the reasons you can’t change him.
1. He will always find someone who is willing to be abused
You’re not enough reason for him to change, honey. Part of the reason he loves you is that he has you right where he wants you. He can do whatever he feels like with you, and the minute you try to be different he won’t be happy. Such men can be quite charming, and can attract many women, so why should he struggle with you when he can change you like a diaper?
2. They are full of excuses
Remember how R. Kelly was trying to say that he’s the way he is because he was sexually abused as a child? Not to minimize the negative impacts of childhood abuse, but a person can also choose to be different, and can find the help they need to make those changes. An abuser will always have excuses, try to make you feel like it’s your fault, or try to reel you back in with some sob story, but they are never ready to take responsibility for their own behaviour.
3. Change has to start from within
You cannot change someone – they will only change when they want to change. An abuser will convince you that they are remorseful, cry crocodile tears only to repeat their abusive behaviour. For them change is temporary, lasting only as long as they can keep you and put you right back there where they want you.
4. They are selfish
They do things for themselves. They want to keep you around not because they’re interested in your happiness, but only to keep treating you the way they want to. They need you because they are broken and you are the punching bag that will make them feel better about their own inadequacy.
5. You can’t change him because you too have become poisoned.
You’ve become used to the situation. So when he hits you or calls you names and feeling horrible starts being normal for you, you don’t notice – you’ve likely gone numb, may be even started to imagine that you deserve this treatment. You have changed so much to suit him that you barely even recognize yourself.
Never be a crutch to someone who is abusive. Once you have already shown a man that you can tolerate his abusive nature then they will not expect anything more from you, but you do have a choice. You can break the cycle.